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Tuesday, March 12, 2013 

Well, that was a surprise.

The most gracious and benevolent General Cameron today called on Argentina to respect the wishes of the people of the Falklands after they voted overwhelmingly in a plebiscite to remain a part of the Democratic Non-Republic of the United Kingdom.

In spite of the inclement weather, unusual for the perpetually sunny uplands of the Falklands, record numbers turned out to vote and pledge their love for the Cameronite junta.  Turnout was 92%, with only 3 votes against the motion.

Despite the clear mandate this gives to General Cameron's policy of "NEVER", the response in Argentina has been one of ridicule.  MPs have insisted that the ballot was not secret, that external pressure on voters had been immense, and that the question on the paper, which was simply "Are you a traitor?" was loaded in favour of a no vote.

General Cameron's office was dismissive of this criticism.  "Clearly these Argies are never going to be satisfied, regardless of how often the people of the Falklands indicate they want to remain part of the new British empire."  When the spokesman was asked whether it was a coincidence that three bodies had today been found floating in Port Stanley harbour, each with a gunshot wound to the back of the head, he insisted that all the evidence pointed towards the deaths being part of a feud between drugs gangs. "And if those who abstained know what's good for them, they'll lie low for a while", he added.

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