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Wednesday, February 17, 2016 

Ousted in a landslide: what are former Liberal Democrat MPs doing now?

Yes, it's the question absolutely no one has been asking!  Just what have the Liberal Democrats so cruelly cut down in what has become known as the May the 7th Ashdown Hat Eating Massacre been up to since they lost their seats in the Houses of Parliament?

Princip Lostdeposit - Newspaper Columnist

One of the most high profile of the Lib Dem MPs to lose their seats last year, Lostdeposit swiftly found himself back in employment thanks to the munificence of the current owner of the no longer Daily Sport.  Lostdeposit has been given a whole page to write whatever he likes - among his most celebrated thinkpieces so far are Tits: Are They Getting Bigger? and Arses: Are They Getting Smaller?

Boyd Dangleflapper - Peer of the Realm

Alongside such household names as Lynne Featherstone, Dangleflapper was one of the select few to be rewarded for their services to the Conservative party by getting nominated to the House of Lords.  Since his elevation Dangleflapper has distinguished himself by attending precisely no sessions whatsoever, instead focusing on a new business venture in PR which makes much of his experience as an MP and now Lord.

Michael Onan - Adviser to Ugandan Government

Long regarded as one of the most controversial of the 2005 intake of Lib Dem MPs, Onan was accused repeatedly of sexual impropriety, most notoriously by Downing Street cat Larry.  While Larry's allegations were never substantiated, despite the mysterious brown stains found on a discarded suit near to Number 10, Onan was nonetheless among the vanquished last year.  He has since found work advising the Ugandan government on their criminalisation of homosexuality.

Patricia Wrinklehammer - Meerkat Fancier

In spite of her reputation for being the most intellectually formidable of Lib Dem MPs, Wrinklehammer has admitted to finding work hard to come by after losing her Summer Isles seat by just 43 votes to the SNP newcomer Hamish Hamish McHamish, since suspended by the nationalists after it was discovered "he" was in fact 3 toddlers standing on top of one another concealed by a full length coat.  Filled with ennui at her situation, Wrinklehammer has devoted her time to collecting every meerkat toy from CompareTheMarket.com, taking out insurance policies she doesn't need in a bid to give her life something resembling meaning.

Ian Rhiannon O'Bannon - Wormwood Scrubs

In one of the lesser noticed arrests under Operation Midland, O'Bannon found himself accused by an anonymous individual who first went to Exaro News with murdering 50 homeless orphans he befriended on the streets of London.  A witness known only as "Rick" alleged that O'Bannon, along with prime minister William Pitt the Younger, King Ethelred the Unready and TV personality Pat Sharp had ripped out the throats of the children with only their teeth in an orgy of bloodlust that lasted a whole month.  While the Metropolitan police were unable to uncover any evidence to back up Rick's account, O'Bannon's laptop was found to be stuffed to the gunnels with videos of dog mongling.  He was sentenced to 20 years in prison.

Charles Kennedy - Dead

(That's enough former Lib Dem MPs.  Ed.)

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