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Wednesday, January 11, 2012 

It keeps rolling on...


There was consternation at the Leveson inquiry today as the Daily Mail's picture editor admitted he receives around 400 pictures of unsolicited arses every hour.

"This," sobbed Paul Silva, "is the new cold reality of working on a tabloid newspaper thanks to your inquiry. Where previously I would have expected to receive thousands of photographs of such A-list celebs as Imogen Thomas and Kim Kardashian every day, all I seem to receive now is freelance submissions of buttocks. All male, I might add."

"You can't possibly use them, of course," Silva went on. "There's no justification for doing so when they are pictures of arses simply going about their daily routine. That's a new policy we've implemented, similar to the one we said we were going to abide by when Princess Diana died and then broke within the week."

Silva's claim received short shrift from counsel to the inquiry Robert Jay QC. "Is a yacht not a private place? Why then are there numerous shots of an especially famous arse on Mail Online today? And even if you don't use long-lens shots of one particular arse, as long as it isn't going about its daily routine, only last weekend your sister paper used it to promote a five minute workout they were featuring. Where exactly is the bottom line?"

"Oh, I'm not responsible for the website," replied Silva. "They put any old bum up there."

At this point Lord Justice Levesoncarrot intervened and suggested it was a good time to adjourn for luncheon.

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