Those all important silly season stories in full.*
Commonwealth games awesome says athlete, Commonwealth games pointless and bit shit say public.
Ebola: we could die, say people in affected countries. Ebola: we're all going to die, say Telegraph, Mail and government of hypochondriac dickheads.
Real-life Nathan Barley gets TV series on dedicated idiot channel in latest example of death of satire.
Person with breasts attacks other person with breasts.
People on Twitter do something in defiance of something someone somewhere said.
People use internet to advertise drugs, shock BBC investigation finds.
I've had just as much if not more casual sex than Byrony Gordon, pay me the same level of attention pleads Rhiannon Lucy Seagulling Cosslett.
Album format dead, say artists who've never managed to produce a single decent tune.
I can't make promises on tax, says Cameron. Cameron to cut tax, reports entire media.
ISIS releases video of murder of dozens of captives, Tony Blair still Middle East peace envoy, George W. Bush still incoherent inoffensive dauber, Israel still decimating Gaza to neutralise terror threat.
*In full meaning as many as I can stand without getting a hatchet and driving it with full force into my skull.